Buddy or Bully? How Your Child with Autism Can Easily Tell Them Apart
Children with autism struggle with interpreting social communication. Due to the complexity of people’s behavior and language, children with autism may find it challenging to determine who is genuinely kind versus those who are mean-spirited. Together, you and your child can discuss the peers in his or her life and make educated decisions on who gets the privilege to be his or her friend! HOW TO TELL THEM APART Help your child distinguish these polar opposite personalities using words he or she can understand. You can show how the word ‘buddy’ contains the word ‘bud’, which is the start of a flower or tree that’s about to bloom into something bigger, fragrant, and more special. Like budding flowers, being ‘buddies’ with someone is something very nice and sweet, and other flowers enjoy growing near them. On the other hand, point out how the word ‘bull’ is in ‘bully.’ No one wants to be near a bull because he is not nice and sweet, and he can hurt us. 👍 ‘BUDDY’ CHECKLIST Together with your child, have her or him rate the peers in his life on a scale of 0 (never); 1 (sometimes); 2 (often); 3 (always):
Gives me happy smiles
Asks me questions I want to answer
Likes to help me
Wants to talk with me at lunch
Wants to play with me at recess or after school
Makes me feel happy and nice like a flower in the garden
Shares her or his toys or school supplies with me
Helps me understand what he or she is talking about when we have a conversation
When I talk with him or her, he or she pays attention to me and listens to me
Results: If this checklist has mostly 1’s or 2’s, then this person is a friend—like a flower within the garden. If there are any 3s, this person can be considered a closer friend—like a flower that grows nearer to you within the garden. If there are any zeros, refer to the “Bully Checklist” below. Discuss with your child other positive details he or she likes about friends to make this list longer.
👎 ‘BULLY’ CHECKLIST Same as the Buddy Checklist, have your child rate the peers in his life on a scale of 0 (never); 1 (sometimes); 2 (often); 3 (always):
Makes mean or silly faces at me
Asks me questions I don’t want to or can’t answer
Doesn’t help me
Says mean things to me at lunch
Leaves me out of games at recess
Makes me feel unhappy, upset, or afraid
Doesn’t share her or his toys or school supplies with me
Doesn’t help me understand what he or she is talking about when we have a conversation
When I try to talk with him or her, he or she ignores me
Results: If this checklist has any 1’s or 2’s, then this person should be avoided—like a weed that makes the garden look not so nice. If there are any 3’s, this person may be considered a bully and requires adult intervention. Bullies, like bulls, do not belong and are not allowed inside of the garden. If there are any zeros, refer to the “Buddy Checklist” above. Discuss with your child other negative details he or she encounters to make this list longer. THIS BUD’S FOR YOU! Even though the words are only distinguished by a pair of D’s and L’s, that makes all of the difference with whom we consider befriending. Providing an organized system like these checklists can help you get to know your child better while helping your child make keen observations for lasting friendships.
