Conversation Skills Start At Home For Your Child With Autism
- Methods For Every Level -
By Karen Kabaki-Sisto, Autism Communication Expert
www.iCanForAutism.com
At their home, I was counseling the father of one of my clients with autism. Usually, his daughter speaks only when she is asked a question. But suddenly, without anyone asking her anything, she screamed out, “I did it!” and handed him her tooth that she had pulled out while he and I were talking. Her father didn’t know what to be more surprised about - the fact that she yanked out her own loose tooth or that she spoke to him spontaneously.
Whether your child with autism speaks a little or a lot, most of his or her day is likely filled with adult-directed question-and-answer which doesn’t always inspire him or her to begin or maintain conversations. Applying ‘brain-based’ learning principles, you as the parent can use communication techniques such as modeling, cueing, implying, and leading to motivate and guide your child to engage in natural communication in any situation!
BRAIN-BASED PRINCIPLE: Novelty and Variety Attract and Hold Attention
For children with limited language abilities:
If the typical “What did you do at school today?” is difficult for your child to answer when you pick him up, point out something out of the ordinary on the road. Use ‘hook’ words or sounds (like a gasp or a whistle) and point to something curious like road construction, a traffic accident, or a traffic jam. Exclaim something like, “Oh, no!” and allow your child to respond further.
Games that are routine-based like “I Spy” can get your child excited to make that first connection with you upon his return home from school. Say something like, “I spy with my little eye something red.” Afterwards, you can entice your child to choose something different, like spying “something with wheels”, for the next day.
For children with more language abilities:
If you were to see a fender bender, say something like, “Oh, no! I wonder how long ago this accident happened! I still see glass shattered all over the street.”
Volunteer exciting events that happened to you like, “At work today, my friend, Colleen, shared her chocolate bar with me without me asking!” If your child doesn’t spontaneously respond, you can cue him a little bit more with, “I wonder if any of your friends shared anything with you today.” This will help your child get the idea about how to identify and express highlights of his day.
BRAIN-BASED PRINCIPLE: Social Interaction Makes Personal Meaning
If your child is under-responsive (doesn’t always interact when it’s necessary), make her environment uncomfortable. For example, sit in her chair, block her path, provide her with an incorrect item (like a fork for her soup), or give her a jar with a tight lid. Model the appropriate language like, “Susan, say, ‘Mom I can’t eat soup with a fork,’” or “Susan, say, ‘Mom, this lid is too tight to open.’”
If your child is overly-responsive (talks too much without regard for the listener), say something like, “You’ve told me all about your day, but you didn’t ask me about my day,” or “You don’t know anything about my interesting day.”
Here are ways you can mediate to help family members, siblings, and guests start a conversation with your child:
For children with limited language abilities:
You can suggest to your child’s grandmother, “Grandma, why don’t you tell Johnny about how the cookies you were going to bring him today got burned?” Keep the conversation going by modeling for your son, “Johnny, say to Grandma, ‘Oh, no! Rats!’”
For children with more language abilities: Given the same situation, suggest a solution for your child to continue like, “Hmm…we have cookie dough here in the fridge,” or “The bakery is very close to our house, you know.”
Suggest conversation starters for your child:
For children with limited language abilities, you can introduce:
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“Grandma was supposed to bring cookies to our house today, but I don’t see any.”
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“Your brother Jack went on a camping trip with his troops in the freezing cold weather yesterday.”
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“Grandpa doesn’t know the funny thing that happened to you at the park today.”
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“Your cousin won a trophy at karate yesterday.”
For children with more language abilities, you can introduce:
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“I can’t wait to eat the delicious cookies that Grandma has for us.”
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“I wonder if your brother, Jack, has turned into a snowman from his camping trip yesterday.”
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“Grandpa could use a good laugh from you.”
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“Your cousin had a karate tournament yesterday.”
Having siblings ask your child with autism to relay messages or provide assistance builds connections:
For children with limited language abilities:
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Sibling says to the child with autism, “Please say to mom, ‘Mom, [name of sibling] spilled glitter all over the floor. She needs the vacuum cleaner.’”
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“Please say to dad, ‘Dad, [name of sibling]’s computer isn’t working.’”
For children with more language abilities:
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Sibling says to the child with autism, “I don’t know how to do my math homework. I think Dad can help me, but he’s downstairs.”
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“I think Aunt Mary just rang our doorbell, but I’m still getting ready.”
Are you eager to help your child communicate better but not sure where to begin?
What you will learn...
Hi! I'm Karen Kabaki-Sisto, an autism communication expert for over 20 years.
If your child with autism talks, he or she likely has difficulties understanding and expressing words, gestures, and feelings. I created this user-friendly tool to turn your observations into real insights about:
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SOCIAL INTERACTION
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BODY LANGUAGE
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EMOTIONS
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VERBAL ABILITIES
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PERSPECTIVE-TAKING
Upon completion, you'll instantly receive a detailed report of your child's current communication strengths and weaknesses. Over time, you can make new assessments (as often as you'd like) to monitor her or his progress.
Easy-to-follow and so necessary!
By submitting your E-mail, you'll receive a link to my FREE Communication Assessment Tool and ideas for overcoming communication challenges your verbal child with autism may be experiencing. I'll also send my personal E-mail address to connect with me directly about your concerns! ~Karen :)
BRAIN-BASED PRINCIPLE: Emotions Help To Connect Experiences.
For children with limited language abilities:
If your other child, Lilly, says something like, “I can’t believe I just lost that soccer game. I practiced so hard,” you can keep the conversation going by saying, “Jessica, say to Lilly, “‘Good try,’” or “’Better luck next time.”
For children with more language abilities:
In the same situation above, you can empathize and discuss values to maintain the conversation flow by saying, “Jessica, Lilly practiced so hard for this game. Remind Lilly that teamwork and having fun are what really matter,” or “Tell Lily that she will have more chances to win other games next time.”
BRAIN-BASED PRINCIPLE: Objects Help Recall and Discuss Learned Information
For children with limited language abilities:
Referencing the child’s homework, the mother can say, “Justin, show Dad the flags of the different countries you made in school,” and “Justin, say, ‘Dad, some flags have the same colors but in different places on the flags.’”
For children with more language abilities:
You can say, “Tina, I’m sure that [Mom / Dad] is interested to know about your photosynthesis chart.” Or, “Tina, I see in your textbook that you are learning about the Industrial Revolution. I wonder what it would be like today to live without inventions like the TV and phone.”
READY. SET. CONVERSATIONS!
Rather than having someone speak for or not include your child, you now have effective ways to empower him or her to take control of his or her own communication. Using the methods above, your child will be curious about social situations and learn from everyone while having an independent voice. With the teamwork of the family, your child will be an engaged conversational partner, making relationships thrive like never before!
About the author:
Karen Kabaki-Sisto, M.S. CCC-SLP, has been a communication expert for over 20 years. As a certified Speech-Language Pathologist and Applied Behavior Analysis Instructor, Karen has been empowering people with autism & special needs to have more meaningful conversations like never before. Her highly effective I CAN! For Autism Method™ - perfected for over 10 years and now incorporated within the iPad app “I Can Have Conversations With You!™” - is changing lives through improved social and language skills. It is 100% fun for both kids and adults to use! Join the conversation at www.iCanForAutism.com.
[This article first appeared in Exceptional Parent Magazine, April 2016]